


Shinsuke's Strange Addiction- [Behind The Scenes]

by orphan_account



Series: My Strange Addiction- The Series [3]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Crack, M/M, Nonsense, Strange Addiction, Takasugi ft Yakult
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “Mine is not an addiction."
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki, Katsura Kotarou/Takasugi Shinsuke
Series: My Strange Addiction- The Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022454
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42





	Shinsuke's Strange Addiction- [Behind The Scenes]

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evaizel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evaizel/gifts).



> I want to dedicate this to Evaizel. And tell you that I’m so sorry, when I did the first ‘Shinsuke’s addiction’ I wasn’t really inspired or motivated so I really half-assed that one and I’m so so sorry I feel so guilty about it because you left me such a lovely comment on Toshi’s one! So I’m trying to make up with this, which is gonna take the place instead of the other one. If you end up reading it I hope you like it? I’m not saying the quality is better here, but… I actually tried with this one? Also I’m sorry it took me so freaking long?! Please forgive me!

_This program depicts addictive behaviors that are dangerous and risky in nature._

_Viewer discretion is advised._

* * *

_For this particular addiction the usual structure diverges a bit, the episode is based on moments captured in time through unedited interviews and hidden cameras, all strung together to make a bonus episode._

_And Shinsuke, who is usually reserved, is bent on sharing private information about himself (like his addiction to yakult) if it is for his own personal gain,_

* * *

_Gintoki Sakata, considers himself Shinsuke’s best friend and his arch nemesis simultaneously (he absolutely has to be the first to speak. Word on the street is attention-seeking tendencies are particularly strong with this one)_

“Look, this is how it started. He's on his own for what, two hours, and he goes and becomes the leader of a fully fledged cult. They say the ‘cult’ is mostly speculation, but I think _not.”_

* * *

_Shinsuke, the focus of this ‘episode’_

“Mine is not an addiction, rather it’s an asset… an asset that one day will help me rule the world. And what can I say, some people are simply too envious of others’ success, but I’ve always been the bigger person so I won’t drop names or point fingers.”

* * *

_Shinsuke, also:_

“His name is Gintoki, Gintoki Sakata, yes. Did you get it or do I need to repeat it slower? Gin-to-ki-”

* * *

  
  


[Recorded bits of convo between Shinsuke and Gintoki]

“-you should try it too one of these days, it’s a very out-of-body experience.”

“…So, a cult, basically.”

“How dare you offend my precious religion like that!?”

“…God, I already got a boyfriend who’s in a cult he calls ‘Mayo Gang’. I really don’t need to put up with this much bullshit in one lifetime.”

* * *

  
  


_Tatsuma Sakamoto, considers himself Shinsuke’s best friend- but he’s not_

“Oooh! Ask me! _Ask me!_ I know everything there is to know about him, I’m his confidant, his best friend, his right hand, we’re just like brothers, ahahah!”

* * *

_Shinsuke_

“Saka... who? My bad, I tend to erase from memory the names of those who are born irrelevant and stay that way, like the name of that obnoxious fellow, what was it again? I think it started with ‘K’. Was it, perhaps, Kunt...oki? Yes, that one. Oi, you, make sure to record this part.”

[Gintoki- suddenly barging into the room]

“You asshole! That pause was on purpose!”

  
  


* * *

[Speaking of ‘irrelevant’]

_Yamazaki Saguru, no relation whatsoever_

“Screw this! Why am I always the one being picked on?! It’s not fair! I want to be popular too-”  
  


* * *

[And now on to a short break, we will resume with the interviews in a jiff!]

* * *

[Cut to Gintoki & Toshiro]  
  


“So, in the meantime, you wanna make out?”

“I’m still in the middle of being interviewed.”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“Yeah, what’s your point?”

* * *

_Shinsuke_

“I respect all the members of my cul- I mean, _religion,_ equally. Of course. That goes without question.”

_[Smash cut to one hour earlier, Shinsuke and Bansai drinking yakult in the lobby]_

“Joke’s on Takechi, I don’t have an ounce of respect for him. I hope he drowns in a boiling pit of yakult… oh, wait a second.”

_[Dramatic zoom in on Bansai’s face as his alarm quickly grows]_

* * *

[Breaking news, Takechi Henpeita has suddenly gone missing. What a strange occurrence.]

  
  


* * *

_Ito Kamotaro, his relation to Shinsuke is… unknown? (speculations have arisen about the two of them bonding through mutual evils and ideals)_

“I would very much like to be excluded from this narrative, one that I have never asked to be a part of.”

* * *

_Kotaro Katsura, the one and only- as Shinsuke calls him_

“I think Shinsuke is greatly misunderstood. He does have a caring side and a heart made of gold. If you took the time to get to know him, you would all see the purity in his every intention and word just like I do.”

[Smash cult to a week earlier, Shinsuke giving orders to a subordinate]

“The enemy is charging. This is a direct attack to my person, it’s… personal. In that case we will crush them. We’ll stomp on them like they’re little ants and make them wish they never made the first move. Now, tell everyone to go find me some yakult.”

“B-But sir, they are actually counterattacking because you gave the order to strike first. We’re also in the middle of the onslaught so I don’t think we can find-”

“I don’t give a single shit, they should have thought about my needs before attacking. It's not my problem.”

“But you’re literally the one who orchestrated this raid!”

“You know what, I have no care for this conversation anymore. So either throw yourself out of a window or go find me another bottle of yakult.”

[Back to Kotaro]  
  


“Yes, his empathy is truly his strongest suit.”

[Elizabeth in the corner: judgement **intensifies** ]

* * *

_Gintoki_

“The delusion is strong with this one.”

* * *

_Gintoki, also (featuring a Toshiro ‘in the zone’)_

“I think Zura is one of those people who only see and hear what they choose to. Isn’t that right, my little spicy pumpkin?

“Call me that again and I will seppuku the life out of you so fast you won't even be able to say 'Leader NayNay I beg of thee to grant me the eternal power of Le Mayo.’”

[Gintoki, with a hand over his heart and sighing lovingly]: “Whatever you want, sugar plum.”

* * *

  
  


[exclusive footage, back when Shinsuke invited a few people over to one of the many safe houses he owns to discuss stuff- either illegal stuff or stuff that has to do with yakult]

“Now listen up you little shits! ...except you, Kotaro. You are an angel and we are thrilled to have you here today.”

[Gintoki, getting to his feet, pointing offended]: “Excuse me?!”

[Shinsuke, looking Gintoki straight in the eyes, defiant]: “You’re excused. Bitch. Now sit your ass back down.”

.

.

.

_Shinsuke is known to be petty from time to time. He thinks it’s ‘perky’ of him._

_Gintoki would like to strangle this ‘perkiness’ out of that so called ‘personality’ he has._

.

.

.

_[more exclusive footage]_

[Shinsuke, nervously]: “I… don’t despise you quite as much as I do everyone else.”

[Kotaro, on the verge of tears]: _“Beautiful.”_

.

.

.

_Gintoki_

“How can you even call that a confession?! Come _on!_ And then fast forward to a couple hours later, Zura is for some reason wearing a giant yakult costume, they both disappear, and you can hear noises coming from one of the closets. And let me tell you, the noises were rather… _questionable.”_  
  


* * *

_Kondo Isao, no real relation to Shinsuke_

"As a mother you want to-"

_"No sir, this isn't the segment for Toshiro Hijikata’s addiction."_

"Oh, my bad.”

* * *

_Shinsuke_

  
“What people don’t understand is that yakult is not simply a delicious concoction sent from above to destroy all the unfaithfuls and harebrained morons roaming this earth. Yakult is part of _me.”_

* * *

_Sougo Okita, Shinsuke’s secret admirer_

“Personally, I like his style. I really, really do. He is someone I look up to, very much so. So much I have in fact decided one of these days I’ll ask him to adopt me.”

* * *

[Sougo, precariously perched atop the cliff in a remote location where Shinsuke is probably conducting illicit business, holding up a stack of documents and raising his voice to be heard above the crashing waves beneath]: "Please adopt me."

"Get out of my sight before I drown you too into the yakult."

[Sougo, slowly wiping a stray tear, touched]: "You’re the uncaring and ruthless leader/big brother figure I never had… _thank you._ I’ll follow you to the ends of the earth.”

* * *

_Toshiro_

“I think Sougo has issues too inhumanly idiotic to understand. So I won’t even bother trying.”

  
  
  


* * *

[extra footage]

[Gintoki, who usually likes to shit on everyone else’s addiction, currently gushing about his boyfriend’s addiction]: “-and you should see him when he fits all that mayo inside his mouth like it’s nothing, he’s so _adorable_ when he does that! And so… attractive. Vey attractive. He’s just so sexy I can’t-”

[Kotaro, less than unimpressed]: "...Excuse me, I think I will go and throw up now."

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


_Gintoki_

"One time I thought I saw the flames of hell burning in front of me. But then I realized it was just Shinsuke bathing butt-naked in a shit ton of yakult. And rotting in actual hell and as far away from him as it is humanly possible has never sounded so tempting before."

  
  


* * *

[convo between Gintoki & Zura]

"Don't you think he's strange?"

"Why should I? This is his passion, and he is living his youth chasing it, and I am proud of him for that.”

"...C’mon Zura, he started making out with you only when you were dressed like a giant bottle of his favorite drink. Like, hello, you should’ve heard the alarm bells ringing right then and there.”

“You and Hijikata did too when you were in your cotton candy and mayo costumes. Multiple times.”

“I-… that’s totally beside the point. Anyway, you know I caught him taking a bath in a tub full of yakult instead of water? And he wasn't even drunk, he was literally doing that sober. What the _hell."_

"You only want to slander his name! And I won’t stand for it!"

"Clearly there are some delusional souls out here."

"Oh, you mean delusional like yourself?"

"Why would you say that?"

"You keep thinking your partner will end up leaving you for a bottle of mayonnaise.”

"Stop berating me for my insecurities!"

* * *

[snippets of conversations about accidents, Shinsuke & Gintoki]

"Growing up, I didn't have what people would call 'many friends.'"

"That's 'cause when kids approached, you threatened to end their life. Ever thought of that?"

"Shut up Gintoki or I'll drown you in yakult."

"See what I mean?!"

.

.

.

"As they say, wounds heal all wounds."

"You mean time heals all wounds?"

"Not in my book.”

"...Uh-oh. Sensing a sadistic vibe coming from here."

"Like you’re one to talk."

"I feel slightly offended."

"My bad. That wasn't meant to be slight but full on offense."

"Hey!"

.

.

.

"The doctor said that ‘drinking too much’ yakult was ‘bad for my health’ and that I should be ‘hospitalized immediately.’”

"So what did you do?"

"They are still looking for the doctor's body, if that is what you’re asking."

"What the-"

“I was advised to always cut toxicity out of my life… so I did."

“No one said you had to take advice that _literally_ you freak!”

* * *

_One of Shinsuke’s victims, an outsider who accidentally stumbled upon this ‘passion’, shares his experience of a peculiar but terrifying accident involving Shinsuke and one of his… bizarre ‘meetings’ with the ‘souls who share his same passion’. Shinsuke has been known to hold these private sessions from time to time._

"To understand the true spirit of the yakult, you have to _think_ like yakult, you have to _move_ like yakult, you have to _feel_ like yakult. Hold it inside of you, connect with it, be one in body and soul with it. Understood?"

[a chorus of agreeing murmurs lifts from the crowd while the outsider nods jokingly]

“Yessir.”

“Good. And now… strip.”

“…”

“…”

“Oh _shi-”_

* * *

_The outsider_

“I thought we were gonna sit in a circle, hold hands and hum on key to the tune of ‘It’s the final countdown!’ I didn’t sign up to whatever _that_ was!”

* * *

_Gintoki_

“Told ya it’s a cult.”

* * *

_-Bathroom break-_

_[someone knocks on the bathroom door]_

[Shinsuke, angry at the interruption]: "I'm connecting with the yakult! Fuck off!"

* * *

_Shinsuke_

“On all levels except physical… I _am_ yakult.”

* * *

_Gintoki_

“Some people, like Zura, like to call Shinsuke’s obsession for yakult his ‘passion’. I’m one of the few who calls it like it is. Brain damage.”

* * *

_Shinsuke's dream is to one day be fused with yakult. And possibly rule the world. And the universe too._

_Kotaro sees no issue in that. Good for them._

_To this day Sougo is still trying to get adopted. Even if he already is of legal age._

_Toshiro has given up on him._

_Kondo sobs, begging his child to come home._

_Yamazaki still has no screen time._

_Tatsuma accidentally ended up changing Gintoki's contact in his phone to 'Kunt…oki'_

_Once Gintoki found out he blocked him. Again._

_Tatsuma’s ongoing battle with trying to get himself unblocked carries on._

**Author's Note:**

> I think I might actually try to do Tatsuma’s one in the next couple of days, and maybe also rewrite Zura’s?
> 
> As always thank you to everyone for still putting up with my bullcrap, you really shouldn’t have to, so thank you.


End file.
